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Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The Carp-ocalypse and Trolls, or, You Are A Six Foot Party Sub!

Orvis is hosting the first Carp-ocalypse at Banks Lake this weekend.  It promises to be a fun event.  There are some great prizes awarded for a good variety of criteria.  There is even a high end rod for the smallest fish.  Dang, I got a shot at winnin' somethin'; I'm likin' that!   There is a prize for the largest fish but the prize hasn't been published yet.  Here are the prizes so far.  (Notice the Helios rod I am going to win.)

Smallest Carp- First Prize     9 foot 8wt Helios rod
                        Second Prize     9 foot 8 weight Access rod

Ugliest Carp- First Prize     IV Hydros Large Arbor reel
                     Second Prize     IV Access Mid Arbor reel

Team Prize-     Guided Oregon Coast Steelhead trip for 4 with Castaway Guide Service

If you haven't registered you still can. Call Leland at the Bellevue store or Adam at the Portland store to get signed up.  

From what I have been told that are people coming from 4 different states.  Very cool!   I'm looking forward to meeting all of you and swapping lies stories.  It should be a great time.

I don't want to start talkin' any smack here or makin' comments about Oregon, California, Arizona, or Idaho or wherever.  Where is Arizona anyway?  Is it by Oklahoma?  Just askin'.  I do think that there are a couple good natured and helpful warnings that are in order here.  

First of all, I plan to catch the smallest fish so just forget about you doin' that.  Sorry, it just ain't happenin' for you.  I'm hangin' with John Montana and Trashfisher for the weekend and one of them will surely catch the largest fish so that may just leave the ugliest fish for you.  Notice please that I didn't say that it was me who is going to catch the largest fish; I'll be robbin' the cradle and bringing home that Helios rod.  I will let you look at it if you like.

If you already Carp fish wherever you live then you likely have a good idea how to do it.  I imagine you got snakes where you live.  I don't mean in public office; I mean the kind that crawl on rocks and on the ground. You probably already know to not put your hands places you can't see.  Rattlesnakes can be places like that.  You already knew that.  Check yourself for ticks at the end of the day if you walk through brush.  You already knew that too.  If you are from California I know you get to see a lot of crazy stuff but I bet none of you have the trolls that we do here in Washington.  Not even in California.  

You may not have taken my warning seriously about who is catching the smallest fish and who is catching the largest fish but you definitely should take this warning seriously.  Here in Washington we have trolls that live under our bridges.  If you fish near a bridge walk around it; DO NOT go under it.  You think I'm makin' this stuff up don't you.  Okay fine, check this out.

Now do you believe me?  I have not personally seen Troll #17 but I have seen his sign and I know better than to go look for him.  Sure, it would be fun to get his picture but I know he would look at me like I was a cheeseburger and if he was hungry I would be four bite cheeseburger and that would be that.

Still think I'm shinin' you on.  Fine, suit yourself.  Check this monster out.  That's the real thing.  That's the troll hisself and yes, that is a real Volkswagon in his mitt.  That gives you some size perspective now doesn't it.

You go messin' with this bad boy and you ain't no cheeseburger you're a 6 foot party sub and a one bite party sub at that!  Snakes?  Yeah, yeah, yeah; watch out for them.  Ticks?  Yeah, yeah, yeah; check yourself at the end of the day.  Trolls?  You don't got em where you live and we do got em so you better be dang careful when you see a bridge!  

I'm looking forward to meeting all of you brave Carp anglers this weekend.  It will be a great time.


  1. Have a good time with all the carperati and the trolls that guard the potholes region. Wish I was there, you'd have a contest for smallest fish for sure.


  2. HA HA HA! What good fun! I do believe that is the most smack I have ever heard from you Mr. P. ;) Go get em, and I do hope you get that Helios!

  3. A very entertaining and smack-laden post! Best of luck this weekend Jim.

  4. You just know I wouldn't be there or you wouldn't be talking so tough P. Pretty sure I established itty bitty cute carp dominance(1.5lb)beyond a reasonable doubt on my last visit.

    Good luck Mr P. You should have a blast and I wouln't put big or least beautifull (most ugly? Blasphemy!) past you.

  5. I am going for small fish too! Will have to break my rule of always casting at the biggest fish for this weekend.

  6. Wouldn't worry about John Montana and the smallest fish. I haven't seen that guy catch a carp under 15 lbs yet! Good luck!